There's Still Hope

Here is a repost from likeafieldmouse:

Late Bloomers of the Arts

For all of you who’ve felt even for a second that it’s ever too late:

1. Charles Bukowski had his first book published when he was 49

2. Leonard Cohen was 33 when his first album was released

3. Marina Abramovic’s career as an independent artist wasn’t solidified until she was 42

4. Julia Child’s career started when she was 36

5. Van Gogh started drawing when he was 27

6. Monet painted Sunrise when he was 33, but wasn’t producing his best work until his early 40s

7. Kazuo Ohno started dancing when he was 27

8. William S. Burroughs had his first novel published when he was 39

Inspiration

I've been thinkging that maybe I need to try a new approach for either my art practice or for writing or anything that I want to be good at. This Maya Angelou quote is pretty inspiring. “What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks ‘the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat.’ And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I try. When I’m writing, I write. And then it’s as if the muse is convinced that I’m serious and says, ‘Okay. Okay. I’ll come.’” — Maya Angelou

A Continued Work, but New: "Save Yourself: Relay"

The beginning of this month in October I headed to NCY to present a new project, which was actually a continuation of a body of artwork I developed during my graduate studies called "Save Yourself." I was invited to participate in a performance and installation festival called "Art in Odd Places," which is an annual event. This year it took place along 14th street in Manhattan, NY.

Over the course of the 3 days that I performed I learned a few things that were important. 1. If performing for consecutive days, have more than one set of cloths for costume 2. Each performers location requires a slightly different set of movements 3. Each performance gives you different gifts 4. Starbucks are great dressing rooms 5. Remember to eat before a performance and drink lots of water 6. Improvisation is a life saver 7. Performing with other artists around is fun 8. Meeting other like-minded performers / artists is great! 9. Make a rain-day plan 10.When in doubt, just put on the costume and wait for the performer within to kick in

Creating Accountability

Around this time of year I start to think, where did this year go. It has know been almost a year and a half since I graduated with my MFA in Public Practice, and I am certainly still figuring out my practice. I have been busy since then, but still need to create a tempo and brand to my practice. I began thinking today about how much time I spend planning as an arts administrator. I was staring at my white board ( the type divided up into 3 months) in my office thinking, if only I could do this for myself, for my art practice. I have yet to implement any of this, but I think I'm on to something with the goal planning. While I know that I will not be able to plan my creative moments I can give them opportunities to emerge, as well as a timeframe. My hope is to create a set of goals for my practice and a timeframe to create more respect and accountability for my practice. I sometimes talk myself out of opportunities thinking that its not important enough, but if I could treat it as important as a job I think I would have some more productive results. I think this will also allow my to accept my practice for what it is: small and quiet. To this, I need to decide if this is indeed what I want. In conclusion, I realized that I am spending too much energy on things that are not that important to me, while I have other areas (all be it, not income streams) that are being neglected. My hope is that this will in the long run encourage me to create more work (or even just create more consistently), and allow me to enjoy other areas of my life without feeling guilt ridden or resentful. Now to work on implementation.

Sharing a Public Practice

This last week I was invited to speak on an alumni panel at my school, Otis. After only being out of school for 4 months, I didn't have a new project to talk about, but was instead able to talk about my process of graduate education and of creating a public practice. As the date neared I became really nervous about telling people about the trials and tribulations of my process. Would this be relevant to anyone? Would anyone care?

After my 10 minute presentation was over I realized that this opportunity was a very cathartic experience for me. I was able to put many pieces of my 3 year long journey together. A process that started in Cambridge Massachusetts and finished in Los Angeles, California; through 2 separate existential crisis as I question first if I was a therapist and then if I was an artist. Ultimately I answered yes to the later question by finishing this degree, and am still in the process of exploring my relationship of being a therapist.

After the lecture there were a few questions that I hadn't decided how I would publicly answer, but I think I managed to offer a long version of the truth, as I talked out the possible responses. One of the other alum that is in the middle of archiving information about social practices asked if I would be interested in doing an interview. This of course will require that I firm up a few positions that I have on the field of public practice, such as: Why am I trying to make change through art?

Lastly, the part of the lecture that I found the most rewarding was at the end sharing tips for those that are in the middle, or just beginning, the process of their graduation education. By sharing my experience I hope that I may have been helpful as they journey on through the difficult process of creating a public practice.

Thesis Defense

Last Thursday was one of the most nerve racking days of my graduate experience: thesis defense day. This is the point in which one must stand up in front of their artwork, explain it and defend your decisions with historical and theoretical references.

This was also the day that my written thesis was due. I was fortunate to have a dear friend of mine, Nicolette Jackson Pownal, to act as editor. What I thought would be a 2-3 hour correction of sentence structure corrections and grammar turned into an 8 hour review of the text, word by word and line by line. This intense scrutiny of the written text helped to clarify my ideas to a non-artist, which meant I really had to explain what I was talking about. I believe this process flowed over into the next day as I presented to my faculty.

I showed up to the gallery with notes typed up outlining what I would discuss, a professional outfit on and was prepared to be the first one to present. The faculty lined up in front of me like a firing squad and for 30 minutes I explained the conceptualization of the project and historical significance. Finally I opened it up to questions and comments, and there were a few points of clarification. All in all, it couldn't have went better! Over the rest of the day my faculty said the presentation was really good and my paper much improved.

Six hours later after my 5 peers had presented there was the last test--the private conversation where the faculty decide if we should graduate. Some 10 minutes went by and then we were called back in and all given the thumbs up! I now had the green light to graduate, and what a relief that was. I had proven myself to my faculty and thus will become a colleague.

Feild Internship Presentation Today!

There is 4 more days to go until graduation! One of the last requirements I need to fulfill is a short 10 minute presentation about my experience during my internship. Using a short 4 slide Power Point I will talk about the the role I played in the project BEING PEDESTRIAN, a collaborative project with artists Sara Daleiden, Sara Wookey and Linda Pollack (http://habeaslounge.org/)--3 amazing artists and women.

Here is a link to the description of the project:
http://ospace.otis.edu/fieldcourses/Jamie_Crooke_-_BEING_PEDESTRIAN

About the project:
BEING PEDESTRIAN is a cultural tourism agency focused on walking.
With its playful prompts, BEING PEDESTRIAN invites experience of the public space of sidewalks and crosswalks in consideration of the invisible decisions that form the streetscape. Produced in collaboration with CRA/LA

Position:
My position as an intern included a variety of tasks that included: community outreach, public relations, production of stencils, attending planning meetings, participating in walks, proof reading, organizing, and communicating with participants. Throughout the internship the tasks were varied, and I was very receptive to the range of experiences that this opportunity offered me.

Reflection:
In final reflection, working with BEING PEDESTRIAN was most important for me in understanding my own practice. The project functioned in different ways and was defined differently depending on the parties involved. When it needed to be part of public art it was; when it needed to be community building it was; when it needed to be a social service it was. The sort of shape shifting that I witnessed the project go through is something that I have not finished reflecting on. In one case this offers maximum accessibility, but in another seems to conceal the art. Moreover, the project seemed to function on the level of critical consciousness raising. The form that some of the strategies took were similar to those I work with, which was perhaps originally why I felt that this would be such a good partnership for my internship. It turned out that it was, and offered me a lot to reflect on, along with good times with these artists that I hope to stay in touch with throughout my career.

Gallery Install

This week we are in the mists of the final exhibition for our graduating class. There are 6 of us exhibiting together, which gave each of us a good deal of space. Since this week is really busy I will just quickly paste up some images of the install so far. It's looking great and we got the Suzanne Lacy approval today. Two more days to go, with lots of little details to get into place.

The pink rectangles are part of my exhibition. I have to say that this is a heavily curated show, to the point that we sometimes have to wait for further approval to proceed. A new experience, but nice to know others are looking out for the groups best interest, by making it the best showing possible.

Studio Visitors

Recently we had scheduled studio visits with curator Emi Fontana, from the West of Rome project. After her wonderful lecture I rushed back to my studio space to prepare for our meeting. I realized that I had a special guest coming to visit, and that I should really provide some hospitality in the form of food, as a token of appreciation. This required a quick trip to the store to purchase some Pellegrino, strawberries and pistachios.

If I have learned anything in Public Practice it is always have food around, as it inspires a communal feel. Breaking bread with someone is still a primal tradition that I think is a part of our psyche. So for this reason, and I am sure there are more, always provide food for your guests or project participants.

How to Sustain an Art Practie?

I am now one month away from graduation and about to step back out into the real world, or am I? The question of what's next is on my mind. I have been asking myself this question about art and sustainability for years now, and have mostly worked around it; making projects when I needed to. Since I view my art practice as an externalization of internal thoughts and conflicts, mixed with contemporary social issues, this method of sparse production works for me. As I consider how to make a living this gets more complicated, because I never viewed my art practice as an income generator. Recently I came across a good article that legitimized my feelings concerning this issue: e-flux issue 24, viewable here:


With this in mind, I've realized that its not about choosing art or another profession. I want to be an artist. I want to be paid to philosophize and develop aesthetic experiences that explore the world we live in. Yes, I want these things, but I live in a world that is dictated by money, capital and no health care without it. Perhaps this is an existential dilemma that would not be necessary if I was an EU citizen.

I now have 2 clear options to proceed in, as I wrap up my graduate work for my MFA. I can leave this program and go back to work for the arts education sector, which is not a bad place to be. I like children and the mission, but am skeptical of the pay ($=health care/life). I also found out that I was accepted into Cal-Poly Pomona's Urban Planning Program. This, as you can imagine, is a hard thing to talk myself into, 2 more years of school right now. And what if there are no jobs in planning after all, and I moved further away from my professional experience in Arts Ed? These are the components of my personal dilemma, but I think most of my generation are in this boat.

It can be a very difficult thing to explain to family and other generations, that there really are no more safe jobs. Teaching for example was a sort of back-up plan. I believe education is extremely important, but didn't think I had the stamina for it; however, there are great benefits. All that aside, there are no teaching jobs. This year over 5,000 educators were laid off in Los Angeles alone. The possibilities of teaching does increase as you look at other geographical areas, but I'm not sure I want to plan my life around a more rural local.

Looking at other artists' practices can also be helpful. One of the big problems that I had after my first year of graduate study at Otis was that they kept bringing in artists that had other graduate degrees outside of art. They were professionals in these fields (planners, architects, designers), and I was now paying to hear how they self-fund there artwork in other fields! This was a big conflict for me, and remains one, as I try to create a very personal professional path that gives my life meaning.

This concept of work giving meaning to one's life is a construct by the way. I have been reading Alain de Botton's "The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work" and it was interesting to learn that the United States' founding fathers perpetuated this concept of work having meaning. This seems to make a lot of economic sense, doesn't it? Carlos Castaneda also discussing a similar idea in one of his books about the pain of loving too much. When everything in your life stems from a love relationship to that object, the possibility for pain can be experienced on all fronts. I have to say that this is another legitimizing feeling that I've had recently. Just give me something that I can make $$ doing that I have a less intensive personal relationship to, so I can pour it into the artwork.

I can't say that I can really offer a solution here, accept the obvious one of try to do both. One thing I've realized is that I did not take the easy path here, and that is why this is hard and hurts so much. Although, I can't say that I know any other way, or whether another way would have worked for me anyhow. This is my path that I've created, and the best I can do is to own it, honor it, and remind myself that its a rough road to travel.

Pedagogy Conference

This weekend was a weekend intensive called "Concentric Conversations," which was part of the Pedagogy Practicum course at Otis. With only 2 more months left, which includes a thesis paper and gallery exhibition to produce, I really wish this course would have came sooner, like last semester maybe so I could absorb a little more. Alas, there is never enough time, so I am at least glad to have had the experience.

In any case, it was a lovely series of conversations with people who care deeply about various forms (institutional, art-based, community-based, individual, informal) of education. After reading a few texts my authors like Chris Robinson, Paulo Freire and Mercado, the connection between pedagogy and public practice was very clean: its about creating change by starting with personal agency. The conference also offered 2 sessions of case studies where artists and collectives (Public School, Ava Bromberg, Ultra-Red, Ashley Hunt, Slaguage) discussed their practice in relationship to pedagogy.

The personal connections that I made with my practice and pedagogy was through Freire's concepts of the "unfinished being" and "self-realization through education." These concepts reminded me why I had studied art therapy, why I had worked as an educator and what I was trying to achieve through participatory projects: individual experiences that can lead to a sense of agency and perhaps even lead to collective change.

Update - Thesis & Work

It's been a long time since I have updated here, but it needed to be done. I am now in my last semester at Otis and working on my thesis project entitled, "Pulse & Parcel."


This is Side Street Projects, the place that I have been working as the Community Programs Manager and Alternative Routes Teacher. I am also been allowed to execute my community component and sculptural land component at the sight.


Here is a detail of the flagging tape that I am using to demarcate an individual plot.


This is a photo of a test plot. I am trying out the materials to see how they hold up to weather.

More updates to come!

Cart Update

Above are some pictures of the cart in process. I made some calculations errors and forgot to account for the 6" of the wheels and base, thus the cart is a little tall - kind of more like a desk. I've asked a few people what they think and everyone seems to say that it is fine, but I'm still considering cutting 5" down to mimic cart proportions more accurately. This would involve a lot of extra labor, and I'm trying to decide how quickly I want this piece out there. It would be great to take it out to the gallery walk on Thursday downtown, but there's always next month.

Work in Progress - Cut-Out

I'm working on creating a painting / sculpture in the format of an amusement park cut-out, which will incorporate the patterns I investigated turning the initial part of the project. This project is dealing with the diverse and abundant amount of visual information that our eyes take in through the process of accumulation of objects and consumption. Using silhouetted shapes of common domestic household objects, patterns will be represented in each shape, and will also allow the viewer to enter into the piece and observe their own contribution to this organized visual chaos. The theme of amusement park of the format of the cut-out also references Los Angeles culture.

If you saw a previous post about patterns, then you can reference those images, and imagine them within the shapes drawn out.

the usual questioning

It's that time of year when I begin to question what the hell I'm doing, and in addition, what art is doing for me or anyone else. Watching Art21 tonight the artist Baldessari was saying that he started art later in life because he didn't see the purpose in it, "you can't mend bone, make shelter." This is kind of the problem I mentally always come back to.

I struggle with the conventional and bohemian sides of myself. The desire to be an accountant, and the longing to be an artist to actualize my ideas. I don't think I feel so opposite about anything else in my life, but I think this is because the issue resides around economy, class and our culture; that I struggle with my decision to be an artist. This is the struggle with security versus flux. There is a negotiation within the ambiguous definition of art that if creativity and creation exists in all acts within life then there could be another way about living this life in a way that would be respected by others, financially speaking. But would I die of boredom, or be willing to settle with one subject matter? I stand at the point of definition within my life. If I am to make this path work I have to use these fears and desires as honestly as I can in my artwork.

My interests in consumption and commodification I think comes from this place of conflict within me - wanting to be defined and be the definer. This was further reinforced by early observations of my parents' small business, and my many entrepreneurial businesses I've started - lemonade stands, bake sale and car washing. Within this area of interest I can play out some of these conventional roles of clerk, treasurer, secretary, greeter, vendor and list goes on.

The idea of "just being an artist" comes from my humble background and my desire to give back. I've always felt a little indulgent when it came to art making. To be able to toy over an idea and your own interests seems like mental masturbation. Not that I don't love it, or seeing others' ideas manifest into objects, but it is a conflicted area of interest depending on my particular perspective at any given moment. And within these notions I find myself in a MFA program called Public Practice. Its all starting to sense to me, slowly and not without trepidation, but perhaps that is who I am right now.

And this is all part of creating a public and/or personal art practice. Oh the pleasure and the pain.

Production Studio - Class #8

Today in class class we decided that the fundaraising was not financially beneficial for the amount of time we were putting in. The fundraising event we held on Saturday at 18th Street Gallery was a success in terms of networking, but we didn't make much money. This lead to the outcome we voting on today: fundraising within our projects in more specific ways, and including this in the gallery exhibit.

During Bob's lecture in class, he discussed how unique his LACMAlab project was, specifically because it was at a non-contemporary museum. He also curated the show to include all ages, which came out of the idea that kids learn best when engaged with their parents. He discussed several shows he curated like this, showing examples.

One main point out of his lecture, was the following question:
Can our projects motivate people, which is different from just informing?

Community Art Entanglement

Today I had my first run in with maintaining autonomy as artist. While I am aware of what that means, I found myself in a conversation with the director of my CBO saying "...and as a volunteer.... I'll have check with my lawyer about our political position on that." And that's when I knew I must have miss communicated something. I now need to figure out how to better explain the partnership I am creating between organization and artist. I am grateful to be working for a cause I truly care about, and with a person I can easily talk to, as this should make the delicate process of collaboration more fluid, I hope.

While I feel pressured to begin the projects and get things rolling (only 9 weeks left), I think it will take at least another week or two of conversations to get to a common goal secured. I am hoping to arrange a meeting with the whole staff, as they will be my community, and as to have feed back from more people. I look forward to hearing the needs of the doctors and staff, and sharing my ideas with them.

Independent Merge

During my independent hour with Dana my work started to merge between what I thought I was making as personal practice and public practice. I've had this idea in my head about making a cart that I've been trying to stick everywhere, but I didn't understand why. I now can see it as an extension of some of the other work I have done. The previous project I was working on - the cut-out - is tabled until I can get this cart built and on the road. I know it's a big project, but once I get it together, I'm going to be all over this town, and using it more multiple projects. And if I get out of school and can't get a job, well I'll be all ready to vend. I'm also seeing a "carney" theme emerge from this work, which can also be interpreted as a wonder's entrepreneurial business element. This is exciting to see, but I feel like it is taking me forever to actually produce anything.

Thursday I have a demo in the tool crib, which will allow me access to work with the machinery, and then I can get going on producing these objects. In the mean time I'm busy at trying to coordinate with my CBO about other proposed projects.

So little time for everything to come together, but I am certain it will.

Production Studio - Class #7

This class was the night we presented our final decision about our CBO's to the class, Bob, and the 18th Street staff (Clayton and Ronald). I worked on it the entire weekend, and ended up presenting 2 ideas, the Health Clinic and a satellite project idea, with the latter being less developed.

The meeting I had with the director on Monday, the day before the presentation, really sealed the deal for me. It was a great meeting, and not only was there a really strong and clear need, but I found the director easy to talk to and hopefully to collaborate with.

I presented my CBO and ideas using power point. I handed out Emergen-C to everyone, per the theme, and because of a possible looming cold I had. I was nervous as heck, but the whole presentation went over well, and was well received.

Production Studio - Class #6

Production Studio was really helpful today, as we got to talk about a lot of issues concerning us, and me with our community project development. The deadline is real though, and I need to finalize an organization / project topic by this Friday. Yikes. I realized that this process of choosing an organization has been particularly hard for me, because I have really been trying to not chose a random, needy population to do a project with, but instead work with issues and larger groups of people. In some ways I feel inarticulate to try to push for what I am really wanting (or maybe just not really knowing) to get out of this project, but I am slowly finding my words. I have to remember that this is only the first of many projects I will work on and not be overly careful about my choice.

I do indeed have a lot of brainstorming and logistical work to do on this project this week. And where ever I'm at with it on Friday is how I will progress with it. I'm struggling with the role of authorship and creative integrity right now. In collaborating I've discovered that I must comprise, perhaps not working with the organizations I wanted to, but could still work with the issues of interest. Decisions, decisions.